Companion In the Darkness

I had reason to go looking for a book tonight. There was a particular passage I was trying to find. When I found the book, I remembered it was the only book for the first 3-4 months (at least) after Jack's death that I could completely and utterly relate to. It stayed by my bedside for a long time. It's pages are dog-eared. I hung on to it like a life line. Knowing there was one other person out there who had experienced what I was going through and survived was indescribable.

For anyone who wants to know what it is like to experience profound and devastating loss, I suggest you pick up this book and read it. It describes the inner emotional, psychologic and spiritual turmoil one goes through. It also shows how the practical every day things can be the trigger that brings you to your knees (not theoretically, but actually, physically, to your knees).

The book is, Companion Through the Darkness, Inner Dialogues on Grief by Stephanie Ericsson.

But be warned. It is not light. It is not easy reading. It is painful. It will make you cry. It will make you glad you are not in her shoes if you are not. It will make you feel less alone if you are. It is her truth and my truth. I cannot describe how grateful I am that she found a way through her own darkness to eventually write this book.

Here is part of her note to the reader:

"This book belongs to the grieving, to the truthsayers, to the bereaved who have seen the light and the dark in one flash. It belongs to those who have had the blinders ripped from their eyes, who suddenly see the lies of our lives and the truths of existence for what they are. It belongs to those who feel crazy, because death has absolutely, vividly re-prioritized their lives. It belongs to those who feel so small in the shadow of such profound truth. It is meant to help those who are trying to fit the very sane epiphany of grief into a world that would rather have them feel insane, so as to maintain a safe status quo. It is a book meant to ease the pain of significant loss. It's aim is not to give false comfort, but validation for the long haul. It was written to reach out in the darkness, not to altruistically give hope, for there is none, and the grieving know this unequivocally. (Ironically, however, the hope lies herein).

After the death of a significant person, we are suspended in limbo; we are not the persons we used to be, nor the persons we are yet to become... For mourning is the constant reawakening that things are now different".